Men, women & communication

Different dialects, not different planets

Different Dialects takes the popular Mars-and-Venus ideas seriously, checks each one against more than thirty years of research, and turns what holds up into skills you can use this week, whether you're dating or decades into a marriage.

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78%

of 124 measured psychological differences between the sexes were small or close to zero.^[1]

~16,000

words a day for women and for men alike, when researchers actually counted. The famous 20,000-versus-7,000 gap is a myth.^[2]

popular claims put on trial in the course: 3 hold up, 15 are partly true, and 13 don't hold up.

Sources

[1] Hyde, J. S. (2005). The gender similarities hypothesis. American Psychologist, 60(6), 581–592. View source ↗
[2] Mehl, M. R., Vazire, S., Ramírez-Esparza, N., Slatcher, R. B., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2007). Are women really more talkative than men? Science, 317(5834), 82. View source ↗

The first two figures come from studies the course discusses in Lesson 1.2. The third counts the course's own verdicts.

How the course works

Every lesson follows the same shape: a scene, the research in plain words, a verdict, a phrasebook, and something to try.

A Reality Check in every lesson

One popular claim goes on trial and gets a verdict: holds up, partly true, or doesn't hold up. Some ideas survive remarkably well. Others don't survive at all.

His side, her side

Each lesson opens with a scene from one of two couples, then replays it from inside each person's head. Neither of them is the villain.

Translation Tables

What was said, what was meant, what was heard, and what to try instead. The lines that start most arguments, decoded.

Something to practice this week

Every lesson ends with an exercise in three versions: on your own, together with a partner, or on a date.

Room for the exceptions

Most of us live somewhere between Mars and Venus. A Not You? note in every lesson speaks to the readers who don't fit the average.

Your own translation guide

The capstone turns the course into a personal communication manual, plus a couple's agreement or a dating playbook.

Tools you'll keep using

Beyond the lessons, a set of resources built to outlast the course.

Two self-assessmentsMars & Venus: True or False? and the Communication Style Inventory, taken on day one and again at the end.
The Translation PhrasebookEvery said, meant, heard and try-instead line from the course, collected in one place.
The ToolkitThe listening loop, the soft start-up, the time-out protocol and every other formula, ready to print.
Capstone templatesA personal communication manual, a couple's agreement and a dating playbook to fill in and keep.

One simple price

Pay once. Every lesson, check-in and resource is yours. No subscription, no upsells.

$49

plus applicable taxes

Every lesson, check-in and resource, for one price.

All 33 lessons across 10 modules, with 31 popular claims put to a Reality Check
9 downloadable PDFs: templates, worksheets, and reference guides
A check-in at the end of every module
The two self-assessments, the toolkit, the phrasebook and the capstone templates
Free updates

Pay & unlock the course

Frequently asked questions

Is this therapy?

No, it's education. It can help two people who are trying to reach each other do it better, but it can't replace a couples therapist when a relationship is in serious trouble. And communication skills don't fix abuse: if someone controls, threatens or frightens you, that's a safety problem, not a communication problem. The course's When to Get Help page is free to read without buying anything; it points to findahelpline.com, which lists free, confidential support lines by country and topic.

Do I need a partner to take it?

No. Every exercise has a Solo version as well as versions for couples and for dating. Plenty of people take it alone, and one person responding differently is often enough to change a pattern.

Is it fair to both men and women?

That's a house rule. Every lesson is written to men and women at once, every male pattern gets its female counterpart with equal time, and no lesson ends with either sex cast as the problem.

Do I need to have read the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus?

No. Lesson 1.1 covers the book's big ideas in a few minutes. After that, its metaphors are a starting point for the research to test, not a rulebook.

Is it only for straight couples?

It's written about relationships between men and women, because that's what most of the research it tests is about. The core skills (listening, gentle start-ups, repair, turning toward each other) apply to any couple, and one sidebar in Lesson 6.1 looks at what studies of same-sex couples reveal.

How long does it take?

Lessons take 30 to 45 minutes each, exercise included, and each module ends with a short check-in. Two or three lessons a week finishes the course in about three months. One a day takes about five weeks.

Can I try some lessons for free?

Yes. Four lessons are free to read, with no account needed: 0.1 Two Planets, One Language?; 1.1 The Book That Gave Us a Language; 4.3 Beyond Words: Tone, Body Language, and Texting; and 5.1 Listen to Understand, Not to Fix. The When to Get Help page is free too.

How do payment and access work?

A single one-time payment, handled by Stripe. There's no subscription and nothing to cancel. You get every lesson, check-in and resource and free updates as the course is revised, on any device, for as long as the course is offered.

Learn the other dialect

$49 one-time, plus applicable taxes. Every lesson, check-in and resource, at your own pace.